just january things
on intentions and exhalations
The first day of 2026 was an exhale. All of the anxiety and anticipation that had seized up in my body over the preceding weeks was released as the clock struck midnight. Except there were no chimes or bell tolls - none of the mechanical kind anyway. My countdown was kept to the sound of 30 people yelling on a rooftop, completely out of sync with the fireworks that started popping off across East London’s skyline.
After that, peace.
I fear a lot of people wish January away. My heart goes out to the poor, unfortunate souls (Capricorns) who rally their friends for birthday drinks when everyone is making their December paycheck stretch that little bit further, struggling through Dry Jan, or running on fumes of their sputtering social battery. Still, it seems a shame to wish away an entire month of the year. If you had that attitude every year, over a whole lifetime, you’d be wasting—
Actually, I can’t be arsed to do that maths. It’s too much for January.
It’s no secret that I love January. I live for the exhale, savour the deflation, and delight in the slow yet somehow sudden release of any expectation to be social or jolly or active. The year resets and the playing field evens out. We’re all moping around like soggy, sagging, deflated balloons. Everyone is miserable! And it’s socially acceptable! What joy!
It’s a month for going inward, in every sense. And while that can look like a retreat, there’s so much going on under the surface.
I rebranded my Vision board to a Vibe board.
Vision boards: Prescriptive. Mainstream. Rigid.
Vibe boards: Generous. Zeitgeisty. Directional.
My vision for the year is not to have a vision at all. Instead, I’m working solely on vibes. Those vibes include but are not limited to: eating loads of spaghetti (obv), tap dancing with abandon, cannon-balling in swimming pools, and maybe some hand-holding if I’m lucky. Oh, and crocs.
I spent more time IRL than URL
If you quit instagram and don’t tell anyone about it, does it even count? I uninstalled the app just before I went home for the holidays, so I’ve officially passed the one month mark. I guess I got tired of having constant access to people I know and don’t know in equal measure. And vice versa. It’s novel to hear about something firsthand in a conversation these days; often, it’s “Oh yeah, I saw you went to [this thing], how was it?” Or, “You’ll have to tell me where [that restaurant] you went to last weekend is.” Or, “Your holiday looked amazing! Was it amazing?” And in doing so, we immediately limit any potential path our interactions can go down, exporting the algorithm from our phones to our physical reality.
Who knows if it’ll remain permanent. Sending Stupid Reels is one of my love languages, and I miss the silliness that’s code for “saw this and thought of you.” But I don’t miss the pressure to be constantly sharing and/or consuming the exhaust fumes of people’s lives. Besides, I get to do that here.
I watched three beautiful things
I finally ticked The Ballad of Wallis Island off the list and haven’t stopped listening to the soundtrack since. Not only is it a beautiful story set in a beautiful location (note to self: I must see more of Wales), but it’s also only 100 minutes long! A rarity in modern cinema and a blessing for bedtimes everywhere.
My flatmate and I binged all six episodes of Heated Rivalry in one day. And I have zero regrets. If you’ve somehow missed the hype, it’s equally beautiful for very different reasons. Would highly recommend to a horny friend.
I saw Whiplash in Concert. I’d only seen it once before and watching it again accompanied by a live orchestra has firmly cemented it as one of my favourite films. I can’t give enough kudos to the musicians who literally matched every single chart beat for beat. It kinda made me regret not persevering with my own misdirected drumming ambitions as a teenager. Sigh, I could’ve had incredibly toned arms rn.
I’ve been writing about writing and talking a lot about writing but not doing much writing.
Actually, that’s a lie. I have been writing, but I haven’t been publishing all that much. In the past, I’ve thought that making a public declaration of intent to post more often would force me to actually Do The Thing. Now, I’ve realised it’s about Doing The Actual Thing - that is, writing. And writing, as anyone who does it will know, encompasses a lot more than typing words onto a page. This makes sense in my head.
My writing intentions for this year are less connected to the output (how much I post), and more about the… put? Call it Living in a Writerly Way, if you will. I’m yet to figure out exactly how that translates into SMART goals. All I know is that at the start of this month, I opened a new note, called it things i want to write about, and I’m closing out the month with a list of 20 things on it.
Who knows how many of those things you or I will get to read? But yeah, I guess by my new standards, I’ve been writing.
I’ve been thinking about scaffolding.
I remember working from home the day they put the scaffolding up. It’s been there for most of winter, and this week it came down. I watched as the white sheet was removed, almost with a flourish, revealing a roof that looked underwhelmingly similar to before - shiny and new only in contrast to the houses either side. Otherwise, it was still a roof.
By some insignificant coincidence, I read a book called Scaffolding this month. It’s a delicious book by Lauren Elkin, recommended and loaned from a dear friend who knows me all too well. I gobbled it up, and am already eager to dip back into the pages I folded the corners of to sample the words for a second time.
For now, this feels like a fitting place to round off the month.
It is good to see the building again. The things we’ve lost we’re always happy to find. No matter what we may think of them. When we find them it is like the first time we saw them, and wanted them. The finding of an object is the refinding of it. Everything goes on as it does; there is no form to life except maybe that of a circle. We keep playing the same song. The scaffolding is down, but it will go up again. There is no resolution.
Happy Self Assessment deadline for all who celebrate! I look forward to circling back in February.
Here's to all things vibes and Heated Rivalry (which I need to start watching NOW) ✨💌